How we see ourselves

There is a lot of chatter on social media these days about self images.  And how society tears us down before we are even old enough to understand what self image is.  When I think back to my childhood I remember my mother always telling me how beautiful I was.  But I never believed her,  I mean she is my mom.  Its kind of her job to tell me that.  I also remember total strangers stopping us whenever we were out somewhere and they would tell my mother how beautiful I was.  Instead of enjoying the attention,  it creeped me out.  A LOT.

When I looked in the mirror I never saw a beautiful little girl or even a kind of pretty one.  All I saw was a girl with a plain oval shaped face, long straight yellow hair, eyes that were this really weird color that was blue with a circle of yellow in the middle,  I saw "chipmunk" cheeks and this embarrassing dent in my chin that made it look like a butt.   Now as an adult and I look photos of myself at that age I am startled by just how pretty I was.  The hair I thought was nothing special was a shiny, golden blonde.  Those eyes that I thought were weird and made me look Asian are to this day one of my best features.  They range in color from pale blue to dark green depending on my mood.  The chupmunk cheeks I saw were actually high cheekbones that I inherited from my Cherokee ancestors.  And that dent in my chin?  I got that from the father that I only met a handful of times and cannot remember what he looks like.

But as a child most of the time we don't see ourselves the way everybody else does.  Fast forward to age 9 when I got my first period.  Yes,  I said age 9 and yes,  it sucked big time.  Luckily my mom noticed my mood swings and saw this coming and had "the talk" with me so I knew what was going on when it happened and didn't think that I was dying.  With that change came changes to my body.  I was tall for my age,  taller than all the boys in my class so everybody assumed I was going to be a very tall woman when I grew up.  So now when people stopped my mother and I in the store they said not only that I was beautiful but that I should become a model when I grew up.  Something my mother wholeheartedly agreed with.  Another changed occurred between the ages of 9 and 11,  I got boobs.  And not the gradual, need a training bra type of boobs but full blown C cup boobs.  Which is still not the biggest they would eventually be but at that age the only girls that had boobs that big were the overweight girls.  So by my reasoning that must of meant I was fat.  Now,  I will not refer to another person as "fat".  I think its disrespectful and mean.  But I have no qualms about calling myself a mean name.

Why did I think I was fat at such a young age?  Because all the girls that were not overweight were flat as a board.  Most of them wore training bras but still had nothing to fill them.  Meanwhile I was wearing my moms bras and they fit.    Then another change occurred.   As I continued to fill out,  my waist seemed to be getting smaller, and then my hips arrived.  VERY large hips.  So there I was a 5 foot tall, big boobed, big butt, tiny waist having girl in the 5th grade.  None of the girls in my class liked me because of what I looked like and the boys liked me too much.  And boys that age only know how to show a girl they like them by making them cry.  Once in a great while a boy would be my friend in secret but as soon as anybody found out they had to save face by saying something mean to me in front of the rest of the school.

I say school because in Oklahoma City where I grew up in the early 80's there was a thing they did called busing.  You were assigned a school not by how close you lived to one but by districts.  So even if there was a perfectly good school 2 blocks from your house,  you had to get on a bus and be driven all the way across town.  They started doing this when you got to 5th grade.  and for some odd reason we had one 5th grade school in the entire city.  So the entire school was 5th graders.

Other things changed in my life as well,  instead of strangers walking up to my mom and telling her how pretty I was,  grown men would approach me when I would go to the store for my mom or when she would be on the next aisle at the grocery store.  And they didn't always just tell me I was pretty. I learned at a very early age what being groped was.  Because of how developed I was at age 12 I looked 18.  Most of the time it was guys in their late teens or early 20's that would approach me and most of the time they were nice and usually asked my name and then how old I was.  I could tell who was the nice ones because when they found out my age they bolted out of there as fast as they could.

Others weren't so nice.  Some would say some really filthy things to me about what they would like to do with me,  or what they thought of my body.  One time when I walked to the store that was 1.5 blocks from our house to get an icee the cleark actually came around the counter and picked me up and carried me to the back room and french kissed me.  I was in total shock and more than a little scared so I ran out of there and did not return until many years later.  So due to my body developing at such a young age I had to grow up fast.  While my friends were still playing jump rope and Barbie dolls I was battling menstrual cramps and trying to find ways to make my boobs look smaller.  The girls at my school called me "fast".  And since we did not have Google back then I had no idea what it meant.  Now I know what it meant,  They were calling me a slut.  Because I had a womans body and the boys paid more attention to me.

I would like to say as the years progressed this sort of thing changed but it did not.  Fast forward thru middle school which was its own special kind of hell, to High school.  My body had pretty much finished developing.  and BIG surprise,  I never grew another inch in height.  To this day I am still the same height that I was in the 5th grade.  Oh and my perfectly straight hair became a mass of curls overnight.  So now when I looked in the mirror I saw a short, fat, frizzy haired girl.  I looked nothing like most of the other girls my age.  Most of them were still flat chested and they had acne.  To my horror I never really had acne that bad.  So there was another thing that made me different and in my eyes made them hate me even more.  I had a few close friends but most of the girls I went to school with were girls I knew but never hung out with.  And even my friends called me names like "Thunder Thighs, or Horse Hips"  The really mean girls just flat out called me fat.  And I believed them.  up until my last year of high school I wore baggy clothes so people could not see my body.  In fact in my last year of school when I started wearing skirts and more fitted clothing everybody thought I just lost a bunch of weight.

Gym class was the ultimate hell.  I was never athletic and the gym teachers always seemed to dislike me so I was always having to do extra reps of this or that exercise.  One teacher used to make me do suicides whenever I couldn't make a basket when he would make us play basketball.  So naturally I started finding ways to get out of gym class. Which usually involved leaving school grounds with a bunch of guy friends in one of their cars.  So the fact that I had a lot of male friends branded me a slut.  Not only was I almost 18 when I had sex for the first time but I was the very last of all my friends to do so.  But,  I somehow was the sluttiest girl in school.

So here I was in high school hiding behind my baggy clothes and I wore fake glasses to conceal my face.  Once in a while one of my girlfriends would tell me that if I lost the glasses and did my hair and makeup I would be the prettiest girl in school.  My reaction?  NO THANK YOU!!  to me that just enlarged the target on my back.

Sometime in middle school I found another thing that I would get made fun of for.  I was smart.  really smart.  The school wanted to skip me up a grade level 2 different times back in elementary school but my mom refused because she didn't think I should be with older kids.  Looking back I might have actually felt like I fit in more with the older kids because my body had matured so early.  But even though I was smart I started to do a really dumb thing.  I pretended to be dumb.  People seemed to like me better when I acted dumb.  So started failing classes which aggravated my mom to the point she just gave up on me in that area.  I screwed up in school so much that I ended up being 2 yrs behind my class so there was no way I would ever graduate high school.  Which I did not.  I ended up taking my GED instead and even though it only took me 1/2 the allotted time I scored extremely high on every section.  Except Math,  I barely squeaked by on that one.

Fast way forward to present day.  I'm 43,  the mom of a 11 yr old boy that is genius level smart and his face and hair look exactly like mine at that same age.  He is breathtakingly beautiful and going to make me hate teenage girls someday soon.  But he is called "weird" because he is so smart.  Because he would rather play video games on his computer or read a book than play sports. And because he decided to grow his hair out so he could donate it to locks of love he gets called a girl all the time. Sometimes its an honest mistake because he is so beautiful but most of the time people are just being assholes.  He is also Autistic. So he doesn't understand how to play all the silly social games that kids play.  He doesn't understand why somebody is shunned because of the shoes they do or don't wear. Or why he gets called "gay" because he cares about other peoples feelings.

He thinks he is ugly,  much like I did at that age.  Even though he is told quite often how handsome he is and yes,  total strangers comment on his looks all the time.  I think I struggle with all of this more than he does because not only do I hurt for him but the memory of what all that was like for me comes flooding back and I just don't know how to make it easier on him or how to convince him not to give a damn what others think of him.  It took me 30 yrs to stop caring what people thought of me and to stop seeing myself in a negative light.  

So while I think its great that people are taking a stance on negativity and trying to make kids today feel good about themselves I don't think we really know the proper way to do that yet.  No matter how many times we tell them positive things about themselves they will only see what they see.  And as was the case with me,  sometimes being attractive brings unwanted attention or it can still bring negative comments from peers. And I don't even know if we can actually change how kids treat each other.  I am facebook friends with many of the females I went to school with and some of them were just downright nasty to me.  But as grown women they are the kindest and caring women I know.

Or I could be wrong and the answer to it all could be that if we make people feel good about themselves they won't feel the need to tear others down.  At some point in my life I finally figured out that a lot of times when somebody is saying something mean to you its because they really don't like themselves very much.  But lets be honest,  getting everybody to not raise their children as assholes is about as realistic as world peace.  Its a lovely thought but it hasn't been in effect since the dawn of time.

Thanks for reading my insomniac ramblings.  and I know I haven't written a new blog in almost 3 years but i've been kind of busy with homeschooling my child and health issues which is a long winded blog in itself.

So until next time I have a lot to say and nobody awake to listen,  Hope wherever you are while reading this you are happy and healthy!

Love,
A.

Fruit instead of junkfood for snacks

Today we went to Samsclub (Oklahoma's version of Costco)  and bought a ton of fresh fruit.  We got strawberries, blueberries, kiwis, grapes, mangos, and peaches.   Then when we came home I set about chopping , slicing, and separating it all for freezing, snacks and future meals.

The fruit that I set aside for my boys snacks (they are ages 16 and 8)  I divided evenly into snack sized ziplok bags,  and when I finished bagging a particular fruit I put all those lil baggies back into the plastic produce containers that they came in.  they are perfect to keep the bags together and in case one happens to pop open while the boys are getting a snack I won't be digging wrinkled fruit off the shelves of my fridge!!

The blueberries, kiwis and grapes I put in the freezer.  That way they make a nice cold snack and I can grab what I need for dishes I might make,  like the blueberries for any baking, although I won't be doing that til fall,  or even pancakes,  the grapes I use in chicken salad.    and Sams was having a killer sale on blueberries,  they were 5.98 for 2 lbs,  in off season they cost that much for a pint so I think we will go back next week and stock up on those babies and freeze them!  we bought 6lbs of strawberries,  they were $4 for 2lbs,  one container we gave to my father in law who loves them,  one container I sliced and put into the snack bags,  and one I chopped up and made up for us to have strawberry shortcake this week. and I made enough so we can have it a few times if we want,  I put it in a airtight container w/a lid and put it in the fridge.  

the peaches I only put half into snacks for the boys,  the other half I just cut them in halves and put in a gallon sized bag for grilling later on.  we can just take how many we want out and seal the bag back up and put it back in the freezer.  the mangos I cut ALL of them up and put in a bag to freeze for grilling.  after having grilled mango I can never eat them any other way again!!

here is a pic of my handy work,  and it was work!  but its alot healthier and cheaper than junkfood for snacks.  i'm lucky that my kids love fresh fruit and will eat it any time.

you may or may not be mentioned in this blog...........

before you read further,  if you get offended by cursing then you want to exit out of this blog right now.  this is a pent up much needed long overdue rant of a blog

still reading?  well, you can't say I didn't warn you.  don't get pissy with me the next time I see or talk to you because you don't like what I wrote here,  because I may just be talking about YOU!!

and no, I don't apologize ahead of time.

so normally I try to treat people how I want to be treated,  I try to not point out what  whining, inconsiderate, judgemental, pretentious fucks people are on facebook/twitter/real life.  I try to be thankful for the roof over my head and not be jealous of how much easier others seem to have it,  I won't say better because I don't know what goes on in their everyday lives. 

I try not to say fuck you to the people who complain about having to pack for their 5th awesome vacation they have taken this year,  or to tell the person with the 2 year old house that cost several hundreds of thousands of dollars that is bitching that they hate their kitchen/master bathroom/theatre room and want to do a gut job and redecorate how ungrateful they are.   I try not to tell the person that is complaining about the cost of gasoline and how its going to suck paying for it so they can use their various recreational vehicles to shut up.

I keep my thoughts to myself when the person who is barely 20lbs overweight is devastated they can't find a bathing suit they like.   I don't say a word to the person who is always bragging about how they can stretch a buck on their tight budget but when they are being thrown a wedding/baby shower they register for the most expensive things in the store. and fyi,  i'm not talking about anybody that is currently with child.  

there are a few people on FB that were really, really, really mean to me back in high school.  so much in fact that it still hurts to think about.  All but one have turned out to be nice people,  I don't know if they remember how they treated me and truly feel bad about it,  but I'm thankful that they are nice people now.  the one that is not nice in presentday pretends to be a great family guy and christian but he is still an ass,  a pretentious ass that is constantly correcting people and acting like he is the wisest person around.   and I don't think he will even have a inking that i'm talking about him because he is so much better than me in his eyes that he wouldnt stoop to read my blog.  in fact i'm surprised he is even a facebook friend anymore.

I also just love how the people that claim to be so liberal and open minded unfriend you if you speak your mind on something they post that you don't happen to agree with.  or the ones that are so closeminded and blind to other peoples feelings that they will just vomit their opinion on everything and not care if what they say upsets others.   

and the religious people,  while i'm very , very happy that you are happy with whatever your faith is,  I really cant stand seeing something pertaining to it posted every freakin 5 min on FB.  its cool if you want to do a daily scripture posting or quote something that relates to what you are going thru in your life at the moment.  but i'm perfectly capable of reading the bible myself. (which I do more than you would think)

and for the dozen or so people that I have deleted and blocked this past year because I posted something and they decided to declare WWIII on me for it.  FUCK YOU!!!    if I want to bitch about my sons little league baseball coach,  the stupidity of most of the percentage of people that call 911,  how bad I think OSU football sucks or how crooked NBA refs are I will, if you don't like it then don't read it.  you can post how you feel but don't try to start a FB fight with me.  I censor myself on there because there are people that I don't want to offend that reads my posts. (again if you are offended by my language and are still reading this I warned you at the beginning)

oh yeah,  if you have ever done a particular thing,  don't look down on somebody else who has/or is doing it.  I know alot more about you people than you think and I have an amazing memory.  lets just say you better be glad I don't get a vote in whether you go to heaven or hell.  for example,  don't act like you are a model citizen when I know about the bong(s) you own and that you have a monthly pot bill,  don't put down somebody for having sex before they were married if you were/or got somebody pregnant before you could legally drive.  don't question someone elses parenting abilities when your kids are one step away from juvie hall.  don't act shocked that somebody is getting a divorce when you cheated on your first spouse.  

I try really hard to be nice to everybody even if thats the last feeling I have towards them because i'm a believer in karma.  and to be honest right now I could use some of that what comes around goes around stuff because things arent going so great for me right now. 

so now that i've got alot of bitching out of my system I will count a few of the things i'm thankful for.  that while my health sucks to me, I do not have a life threatening disease.  my husband and kids are all healthy,  I still have my mom around,  I have great inlaws that I get along very well with.   and even though I'm not really happy with it,  I am thankful for the home I have,  that my kids don't have to go hungry.  my husband is kind and considerate and while I may complain about him sometimes I would not trade him for anything.  

so if a few of you could toss some of those positive prayers and feelings of goodwill towards me and mine I would sure appreciate it.  not sure what the immediate future has in store for us but I hoping and praying that its not bad.  

thanks for reading the blog,  and no i'm still not sorry for the cussing. :)

Love, 

A.

Politics and such

yesterday was "super tuesday"  and after the choices the people of my state made I am now terrified and contemplating moving to another country for the next 4-5 years.  

but after reading several articles,  comments on the local news channels FB pages and getting into a couple of debates here and there on friends pages i've come to this conclusion.  whether you are far left or far right,  you've got a screw loose somewhere.

I mean no offense,  some of my best friends are extremists but I want to clarify a few things for all of my leaning this way or that friends.

first of all,  not all Republicans are racists, sexists or homophobic.  Just because somebody has strong religious beliefs does not make them any of those things.  I know some damn fine people that don't hate me or wish bad things upon me just because I don't agree with them all the time.  er,  at least they don't tell me they do. :)

and on that note,  not all Democrats are lazy, baby killing, socialists, communist, satan worshippers.   Again I know plenty of liberals that are hard workers,  that don't think Obama is all that.  And alot of them have strong religious beliefs as well, some of them even believe in God. 

It cracks me up when I hear somebody lump an entire group together and put a label on them according to their political affiliation.  Some people only check that box because in order to vote it is required.  I did not want to be lumped into either group so I checked the Independent box,  now at the time I thought Independent meant exactly that,  that you were free to make up your own mind and did not need a political party to decide for you what issues are important.  I had no idea that it was a actual political party that has its own agenda.  but since I have a headache and there is no major candidate running for office on the Independent ticket I don't have to go into what they stand for and can pretend this time Independent means just that.  

I believe in separation of church and state,  simply because not every person is the same religion and mixing the 2 is always going to step on somebodys rights.  I believe that what goes on in consenting adults bedrooms is nobodys business but those consenting adults involved.  I believe everybody has a right to love and to be loved,  again as long as its consenting adults.   I believe that if 2 people want to have a life together and raise a family and they want to make that union legal then they should be able to.   and I don't care if they are the same sex or not.   I also believe that there are some people that act before they think and before you know it they are on their 4 or 5 marriage before they turn 40.  and I'm talking about both gay and straight people here.

I believe until everybody can get over their fear of talking about sex then birth control ie: condoms should be handed out starting in middle school.  there are 8th grade girls in our town that are pregnant right now,  somewhere a parent should have put down the bible and have an honest talk with their kids.   

I believe that  everybody should respect others religious beliefs and not step all over them.  I also believe that what goes on in a womans uterus is nobody's business but hers and who she invites in.

I also believe that everybody should have the right to bear arms,  if they can pass a basic common sense test and show that they can be responsible.  I believe that if those people want to own a thousand guns then its not the govt's place to try to prevent them.  

I believe that if your child is a bully and you don't have a problem with it then you are a bully that taught them to be one.   And you need your ass kicked by a bunch of nerds.

I believe that our country MUST stop being so dependent on the middle east for our oil reserves,  if we have it here then we need to drill for it.  and if we are saving it for when the rest of the world drys up,  then just say it instead of pretending to care about the environment.  nobody is fooled by that.  

and I believe that we are totally screwed when it comes to this next election.  Obama is going to ruin the country if he stays in office and whether Romney or Santorum gets elected they will do the same.  The 2 men that had a chance of defeating Obama and actually doing a decent job as President don't stand a chance because of their personal lives.  Something that has nothing to do with how they would have actually done the job.   

so thats all i've got,  living in Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains and leaving everything covered in dust and allergens,  my head is pounding and I can't think straight.  hopefully it will all clear up soon,  and hopefully I don't have to move to another country come November.

Why I am so passionately against the Personhood bill in Oklahoma

those of you that have been paying attention to my activity on facebook lately know how I feel about this Personhood bill going for a vote in the house ,  it was just passed by the Senate.  Some of you probably wonder why I even care since I have had a complete hysterectomy and it doesnt affect my body.   Well ,  let me explain why it matters so much to me.

There are actually several reasons why I care about this bill,  my own personal reasons are if this bill was in effect when I was in my 20's then I would not have my son Caden today, in fact,  its a strong possibility I would be dead.  I was married very young at age 22,  it wasn't a happy marriage yet I became pregnant several times,  each time resulted in a miscarriage,  twice I had to have a D&C performed because I did not pass the fetus.  I had to go to a abortion clinic both times for this procedure,  once I had to walk thru a line of protesters that screamed ugly things at me,  they even threw things at me.  I wanted to scream back at them that I was not killing my baby,  it was already dead and if I did not have this procedure then I would die too.  But I did not say a word,  I walked in with my head held high and ignored them.   and then the same when I left afterwards.

Towards the end of the marriage I was told I could not carry a baby to term,  that I had too much endometreosis and it had caused too much damage to have a healthy pregnancy,  also I found out I had PCOS,  which is a disease that causes cysts to grow on your ovaries,  sometimes very large and very painful cysts,  it also causes obesity which I am still dealing with to this day.  PCOS causes every morsel of food you eat to turn to sugar thus adding the weight,  it causes other problems as well.  Like infertility,  and a even higher risk of miscarriage due to both the disease and being obese.

A few years after my divorce I remarried,  a few mos before we got married I went to a new Dr and begged for something to be done to help the PCOS,  I'm a size small frame and had over 100 extra lbs on me,  I also wanted to see if anything could be done to eventually help me have a baby somewhere down the road.  I was referred to a fertility Dr who gave me a very honest consult,  that it would be crazy to go through the time, pain and expense of taking fertility drugs when my weight made me high risk for miscarriage,  and given my history that risk was doubled.  So he sent me to a specialist that put me on Metaformin to help control the PCOS and to help me lose weight.  I lost 30lbs almost immed.  I got married on April 25th and on May 28th discovered I was 4wks pregnant!!!   it was a long and stressful pregnancy,  I went into preterm labor on a regular basis and my water broke at 20wks,  they were able to stop the labor and determined at first that I must have had a high leak that sealed itself back.   exactly 9mos from our wedding day Caden was born.

he was perfectly healthy in every way and to us he was a miracle.  after an emergency C section they found that I had 2 amnio bags inside me,  which means at some point I was more than likely pregnant with twins.  we have no idea when I could have miscarried one of them,  there is a the dissappearing twin theory.  somehow that extra amnio bag stayed intact and leaked every so often causing us to think my water was breaking,  yet every time they did a ultrasound it showed I had plenty of amnio fluid.  They don't know why this never showed up on the DOZENS of ultrasounds I had done during my pregnancy.  its a medical mystery.   Caden used to talk about the "other baby inside mommy with him"   so I do believe there was a second baby we never knew about.  

If this personhood law had been in effect way back when I prob would not have been able to get that D&C and would have died. if I had lived,  I would not have had the chance to visit Dr. Reshef about possibly doing fertility treatments or IVF because he would be doing his job in another state.

After Caden was born I had complications that caused even more damage to my reproductive organs,  my high risk specialist Dr advised me to NEVER get pregnant again,  that if I did it was a strong possibility that I would bleed to death without warning.  So our choices were to abstain from sex even though we were a married couple,  use birth control, or one of us have surgery.   If our birth control had failed and I did become pregnant the personhood law would not allow me to end the pregnancy,  it wasn't 100% that I would die if I got pregnant,  just a large chance I would.  somehow I don't think those odds would be enough for the supporters of this bill.   and I would be forced into a life ending pregnancy and leave my husband, our adopted son, his daughter from a previous marriage and this new baby that I fought so hard to carry full term. How is that even sane ???

Now for the other reasons why I care about this law,  my daughter is a young woman now,  I want her to have final say in what happens to her body!!  I also have many friends who have had children or are exploring IVF now.  I have many gay friends that want to have children via surrogacy or IVF, or artificial insemination.  I want the young women of this generation to have choices,  they should not have to worry about their bodies being hijacked by the judicial system if they want to make an unpopular choice if they should become pregnant.  I want them to have every form of safe birth control option available to them.   and if God forbid one of them is a victim of rape I do not want them to be denied the chance to have a pill that will PREVENT a unwanted pregnancy offered to them and thus they be forced to relive that horror every day for the rest of their lives because somebody that doesn't even know them decided they should.

Whether you believe in abortion or not,  you should be against this bill.  it violates basic human rights.  If we cannot choose what happens with our own bodies then how is that living in freedom?

That is why I oppose the Personhood bill.

Alysworld: Happy New Year!!!

Alysworld: Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year to all of you reading this!!! (all 2 of you!)  LOL,

I really hope this year is not as eventful as last year was for me and my family.  We had a near fatal 4 wheeler accident,  a runaway semi truck tire attack us,  several earthquakes that really "rattled" our nerves.  not to mention a huge snow storm,  hell-like temps in the summer.    not to mention our teenaged son and his friends decided to clean out our locked liquor cabinet the one time ever we left them home alone.

a few really good events happened this past year,  our daughter graduated high school,  I got to see my favorite band in the world in concert.  and i'm sure many other things that I have just forgotten about,  but i'm sure they will come back to me when I least expect it.

speaking of past memories coming back out of the  blue,  here lately I have been remembering different things my ex husband used to say to me. (we divorced in jan of 1999),  funny how I never got mad back then,  my feelings got hurt but I mostly just ignored him.  but now when I remember these things I get really mad and wish I would have told him off back then.  here are a few of the things that have been popping into my head lately.

1. "wow!"  you have really just thrown in the towel on your looks haven't you?"
2. " I'm losing interest in this relationship"
3.  6mos after my brother committed suicide " how long are you going to take getting over this?"
  he also threw his wedding ring out the front door of our apt 2 wks after we got married.  ,  he got angry because I had not done laundry that day and threw all of our brand new towels in the trash can outside,  while it was raining.  oh and he told me on a regular basis that his biggest fear is I will turn out like my mother.

and all this wasn't even the really bad stuff he did.  of which I would need a therapist to go into with.

not sure why I have been thinking about all those random things.  maybe because we divorced at this same time of year.  oh and how can I forget this,  I told him what atty I was going to use to file for divorce , (whom I had already spoken to on the phone and made an appt with for the next week)  and he went in ahead of me and hired the same atty and filed for divorce himself.  not sure what he thought he was accomplishing since it was a no fault divorce, I didn't want alimony or anything from him.  oh and he did try to prevent me from going back to my maiden name.  he tried to block me from getting that in the divorce decree ,  I had to threaten alimony for him to drop it.

maybe this time of year I'm just thankful for all my blessings and getting that divorce probably saved my life!!!

but anyways,  hope everybody's year is off to a great start and continues to bring good things.   I'm looking forward to a nice quiet, boring year!  LOL

love to you all!
A.

Homemade Halloween Decor

My mother in law has a great hobby,  she makes her own greeting cards.  She has been doing it for years but she doesn't just stop there.  She has made my kids some pretty awesome book marks, photo collages and she even made my 7 yr old some little cards with pictures of different boots because he mentioned to her once that he wished he had a boot to throw at his Pappy!  he was being funny so you can imagine how he laughed when he opened that envelope with the note "to throw at Pappy" and all those cards fell out.  and yes he threw them at his grandfather!

But she has been branching out even further and has been making her own Holiday decor items as well,  we usually get her different printing papers for birthdays and mothers days,  last year at christmas she made some really neat decor items from the glitter paper we got her,  and this year for halloween she made a banner for her fireplace mantle.  and it is soooooo cute I had to post some pics of it.  I wish I was as talented as she is in that area!   

This and That

once again I am taking to my blog,  it seems to be the only place where I can say EXACTLY what I want to say and if the reader doesnt like it then they won't hurt my feelings if they leave the page,  no facebook drama caused by comments left by disgruntled readers.  before you read any further if harsh language or truths offend you then leave now.

so to catch up on whats been going on my crazy life,  about a month ago Bryan, myself, Bobby, Caden and Bobbys best friend Wesley were on our way to take Wes home from spending the night at our house and we were at a stop sign waiting our turn to get on hwy 99 and a semi carrying a mobile home came speeding by,  as it passes I see coming down the hill a HUGE tire and wheel coming right at us!! (ok,  it wasnt as huge as I originally thought but at that moment it sure was!!)  Bryan saw it too and tried to back up quickly so we didnt get hit by it,  but he wasnt able to get clear and it slammed into the drivers side front door.  I was turned in the seat about to tell the boys in the backseat to cover their heads because I knew glass was going to be flying.  I wasnt able to get the first word out before the impact jerked me back and the front seat was showered with shards of glass, powdered glass, and a few large bits of glass.

when the dust settled so to speak, our main concern was making sure the boys were ok,  Caden was crying because he was scared,  Bobby and Wes were in a daze and had no idea what had hit us,  they didnt see the tire coming,  they thought the mobile home had hit us.   we got out of the car to check the damage,  the entire drivers door was destroyed,  the window gone and the windshield cracked.  the tire was still on the wheel and part of an axle was nearby,  the tire was actually smoking from what I guess was the friction of the axle breaking off.  the pilot cars with the semi stopped and came back and checked on us,  they waited for the police to arrive. 

after just a few minutes the Prague fire department arrived,  along with the OHP, Sac and Fox police, Prague police and Lincoln county sheriff and an ambulance.  we were just inside the Lincoln county side so it was unclear at first whose jurisdiction we were in,  turns out OHP had it.   the OHP trooper took a report (or so we thought at the time)  after a trip back home to change cars and take quick showers to rinse the glass off,  which actually cut us up a bit due to being rubbed off the skin,  we took Wes home,  afterwards we decided we did not feel like making dinner so we went to our towns only mexican restaraunt for dinner, Juanas if you are interested,  best authentic mexican food around!   while there I got really dizzy and sick to my stomach,  then my head, neck and back started hurting really bad.  we decided we needed to go to the ER and get checked out.  so Bryan and I went to Shawnee and the ER where all they did was shine a light in our eyes and feel around on our necks a little,  decided we pulled a muscle in our back, gave us a prescription for muscle relaxers and sent us on our way.

the next day I called our family dr who told us to go to a chiropractor he referred us to,  and when we called them they told us to come in right away.  so we did.  not going to go into all the details since a legal case is pending,  but the xrays showed some obvious damage on all of us. 

so for the last month we have been going to the chiro 2x a week,  my back is killing me most of the time and Bryan missed 2 wks of work because of it.  but after claiming they could not find the driver of the truck at first they finally admitted guilt and it will all work out eventually i'm sure.

so thats all about that. 

school has started back and so has Caden's football practice,  so we are pretty busy with practice and games,  when I am able to go that is,  this back pain has me sidelined. pardon the pun

I actually meant to write about something else,  but the whole wreck thing took all my attention.  so I guess you will have to wait for the harsh language and truths.  LOL

til next time.

Girls Getaway 2011

So this past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go away with 5 of the most amazing ladies you will ever meet.    A few months ago I emailed each of them and asked what they thought of us getting together some weekend and renting a cabin in Beavers Bend.  (I've already heard all the jokes so don't bother.)  

To my surprise,  everybody said Let's do it!   We picked this past weekend because that gave us time to plan and save money to go.  Over the course of the summer we have all had some crazy, stressful events happen to us.  Not going into details because thats another blog entirely.   Friday we all loaded up 2 per car and headed out,  I rode with Ms. Dawn,  we had a blast!!!  We got lost  3 or 4 times,  not because we couldnt follow directions but because we were talking and laughing so much we would miss our turn.   We still managed to make it there first,  after checking out the inside of the cabin and unpacking our stuff we went back to Broken Bow to wait for the other 4 ladies.  We all made a trip to the grocery store and liquor store then with Dawn driving the lead car we headed back to the cabin,   and missed our turn.  twice.   LOL

After making it to the cabin and picking our sleeping arrangements  we all settled down in the beautiful 2 story great room and had some drinks in the oh so cool wine glasses I brought as gifts for us all.  they said "girlfriends and merlot are good to go!!"    While we were relaxing with our drinks Ms. Melissa was preparing dinner for us all,  it was THE best homemade lasagne I have EVER had!!!!  we had salad and garlic bread to go with and of course lots of wine.  Dawn , Hollie and Melissa had never met each other. so new friendships were born. maybe I should explain how we all know each other.  Lisa, Dawn, Jennifer and myself went to Jr. high and high school together,  Dawn and Jenn have known each other since birth,  Hollie and Jenn used to work together and Lisa and I have met her many times at various girls get togethers.   Lisa and Jenn have known Melissa for years and she and I have many mutual friends and we were always talking to each other on their pages and finally decided we may as well become friends.   

After dinner we hit the hot tub,   I would like to pause here and apologize to whomever were staying in the cabin closest to us.  we laughed so much and so loud I know we disturbed somebody.  and somebody in our group got very tipsy and got naked in the hot tub,  not going to say who so don't ask.  and yes there were pictures but all have been deleted by mutual consent of all 6 ladies.  LOL  

after the hot tub we watched what else?  'Hot Tub Time Machine',  we have all seen it before but its just as funny and there were a few parts that could have been taken right out of our antics so far.   and of course the soundtrack is the best!!!

we all turned in and woke early sat morning and began making a huge breakfast.  Pancakes, bacon, fruit, mimosas.   unfortunately Dawn had prior plans with her family that she couldnt break so she had to leave early,  which put a damper on the weekend because it just wasnt the same w/out her. :(    after breakfast we all got dressed and headed out to Hochatown,  which we called "Hootchie-Town"  LOL,  we went to a winery that we had all heard good things about.  'Girls Gone Wine'   the cutest place ever!   we did a wine tasting and I have to say I liked all of them,  even the dry ones which I don't usually like.   we all made our choices to buy and browsed the gift shop which has a huge selection of girly, wine oriented gifts.  T-shirts, wine glasses, wine purses,  unique gifts, candles, candy,  even doggy treats and jewelry.   

Then we went right across the street to the Grateful Head pizza place and beer garden.  cute place,  we were told they had amazing pizza but since we had plans to make dinner back at the cabin it had to go on the to do list for next year.    then we drove to the Beavers Bend nature center,  the other girls went on a hike while I waited at the car,  my back was still bothering me so I didnt think it would be wise of me to overdo it.  

then it was back to the cabin for some more relaxing and a delicious fruit pizza made by Ms. Jennifer,  we had it with a lunch of leftover lasagne. :)    and of course some more drinks!  then dinner again,  homemade chicken enchiladas made by Ms. Lisa this time,  they were fantastic!!! 

we proceeded outside to the deck and sat and enjoyed the scenery with some buttery nipple shots,  thats baileys irish cream and butterscotch schnapps for those who didnt know.  :)     afterwards we decided to watch The Hangover,  again totally appropriate movie.  we have seen many times but its always funny.

then it was hot tub time again!!!   and of course more wine. :)   then we turned in for a good nites sleep.  woke up early again and made a breakfast of Frittata, bacon, biscuits and gravy , fruit and mimosas.  

then sadly it was time to pack and straighten up the cabin and head home.   the weekend went way too fast.  even the drive home was fun ,  this time I rode with Lisa and Melissa  but we encountered Jenn and Hollie along the way from time to time.   after making it home I realized how tired I was,  but oh so relaxed and happy.   I was very happy to see my husband and sons.   while I was gone Bobby had cleaned the kitchen and it was spotless!  that was a great thing to come home to and it was very appreciated!!    

after taking a nap of course I couldnt sleep at bedtime,  so I watched some t.v. w/the boys and caught up on my DVR's I had missed while gone.    we had to get up early to drive to OKC for our dr's appts,  and lately my back has been hurting so bad I can barely move,  those nitely visits to the hot tub has helped it soooooo much,  and today I woke up and had no pain anywhere!!!    I think the relaxing weekend and hot tub eased so much stress and that helped erase the pain.    i'm sure it will be back but for now i'm so grateful!!   I didnt have any problems walking around today,  my adjustment and treatment at the back dr didnt hurt me at all this time,  and I was even able to actually get out of the car today at Caden's football practice and after sitting for 2 hrs ,  it didnt kill me trying to get up and walk like usual.    

none of the things stressing me out went away while I was gone,  but they sure don't seem as stressful now.  

and about the cabin rental place,  it was www.beaversbendgetaways.com ,    the cabin was awesome!  3 bedrooms, 3 baths,  pool table, hot tub,  washer, dryer.  the kitchen was stocked with everything we needed, they had set the table with 6 place settings and the scenery was breathtaking!  it was so peaceful and quiet.  

we all can't wait til next years getaway!  we decided to make it a yearly event,  alot of our female friends have expressed interest in going next year,  so many in fact that to make it possible we would have to rent 10 cabins!!  so we all 6 decided that next year we would have 12 ladies,  each of us 6 will bring 1 guest that does not know anybody else that will be there.  and of course they have to be of similar sense of humors and personalities and ok with drinking and be able to afford their share of the cost of the weekend.  which makes the list considerably smaller.    I know some feelings are going to be hurt,  but this was the only fair way we could think of doing it so our other friends would not feel left out.  we will change it up each year to make it fun and new.   hopefully we will be 80 yr old ladies in our handicap accessable cabin having our girls weekend!!  

hope you enjoyed the blog,  sorry its been forever since i've done one,  but if you read my FB then you know its been crazy lately.   

til next time

Love,

A.

1984

For those of you that pay attention to my posts on Facebook then you already know this,  I'm going to see the BEST band in the history of music in concert this friday night!!!!!!    and for anybody that has known me for more than 5 minutes,  then you know that the band I am referring to is Duran Duran,  Simon, John, Nick, Roger and well,  not Andy unfortunately. 

In 1984 they were scheduled to perform in Feb,  the night before the concert I went to bed with a heavy heart because the tickets were all sold out,  this was also 2 days before my 12th birthday.  I was devastated,  I could not see my most favorite band.  Cynthia whats-her-name had tickets and I was sooooo jealous!  she always got their stuff before I did,  she got a DD jacket first,  when I was excited about 'Sing Blue Silver' coming on t.v. for the first time she owned it on vhs.  Anyways,  as I was getting ready for bed I had the radio tuned to KJ103, (for my son and daughter,  yes it was around back then)  I heard the DJ talking,  he was making some sort of announcement.  Could it be????  YES!!!!  The concert had been postponed til April!!!!  That meant I had more time to find a way to get tickets!!!!  I joyfully ran into the living room and told my mom this.  She was probably very confused about my rapid mood swing.  (little did we know this would become normal later on in life)

So the next week we went down to the Myriad ticket office,  its now called the Cox Center,  I kept my fingers crossed the entire time that somebody,  anybody had refunded their tickets.  We got there and were told "sorry,  no refunds are being given"  this meant we would have to find tickets elsewhere.  this was before craigslist so that meant a scalper,  my mom would never buy from a scalper so it was starting to look bleak again.  But,  there was a women right behind us that overheard our conversation with the ticket handler.  She stopped us before we left and said she had some tickets that she could not use and was hoping to refund,  she only wanted face value for them.  YIPPEE!!!!  I was going to see Duran Duran!!!!

the night of the concert 2 of my moms coworkers that were in their 20's, Crickett and Crystal,  picked me up for the concert.  It was the greatest!!!  I don't think I sat the entire time.  And I got to get a shirt and program and everything!  (I kept that shirt for years and years)  I thought C & C were so cool to take me,  I had no idea they even liked Duran Duran.  well,  it turns out they didnt.  My mom had paid them to take me.  *LOL*

So it was a feeling of Deja Vu that this year,  days before my birthday I see a Facebook announcement on the Duran Duran page that they will be doing a concert in Oklahoma exactly 1 month after my birthday!!!  It had to be fate!! Once again my good fortune Angels were looking out for me.   I was able to get tickets in the VIP section,  lined up my inlaws to babysit that night and now just a couple more days to go............

Bryan isnt overally excited about going,  but I think he will enjoy all the screaming 30 and 40 something women.  LOL

and for those of you wondering whatever happened to Crickett and Crystal,  they became like family.  I was "aunt" to their kids,  I even tried to repay Crickett for taking me to that concert by taking her 2 daughters to see Hanson when they were little,  but it was sold out.  Just last week Crickett became a grandmother for the first time,  I called to congratulate her and offered to take her to this weeks concert instead of Bryan,  she respectfully declined.  LOL  

 Crystal passed away from brain hemmorage right before her 40th birthday.  I will be thinking of her alot this friday night.  Its only fitting.  Who knows?  maybe she will be there with us...........

  

Don't ask Don't tell

ok,  I'm going to upset some of my LBGT friends by this statement but,  I support Don't ask Don't tell,  not because I don't support Gay rights,  but because I believe if this law is knocked down there are going to be some people get hurt or even killed.  regardless of the reason why its in place,  I do feel it will keep a gay man or woman safe from idiots.  I don't think it should keep anybody out of the military but I do think the military needs to know the sexual orientation of somebody joining in order to keep them safe.  not all countries are tolerant and some of them are so far back in the dark ages that they would imprison, torture and/or kill somebody who did not abide by their laws.   and not to mention our own countrymen who are not tolerant and would resort to violence just because they can't accept somebody who is different than they are. 

If ones sexual orientation is known then they wouldnt be sent to a country that has laws strictly against homosexuality.  I read somewhere today that Obama basically said this same thing,  and for those of you that know me,  you know how it pains me to agree with that man.  I support equal rights for EVERYBODY, I also support the right to your own opinion without having to fear backlash for voicing it. 

well,  thats my opinion on that subject,  I sincerely hope that my LGBT friends out there do not get offended ,  but if that happens then so be it.  Just like my friends who are not gay rights supports don't agree with me on that subject.  I think any 2 human beings that love each other, and are of consensual age should be able to love each other and be married or not if they want.  they shouldnt have to deal with ignorance and hate and judgment,  whether you are a gay/lesbian couple who want to marry or you are a heterosexual couple that chooses not to be married but still live together.  and ANYBODY who is proven to be a loving, responsible parent should be able to adopt.  single, married, gay , straight, liberal or conservative.

and on the subject of bullying,  NOBODY should have to fear being themselves.  I think any form of bullying should be dealt with strongly,  and any parent that allows their child to bully others should have to be taken to a part of the world where they are the odd man out and see how it feels.  my children have been the victim of bullies before,  I think everybody has at one point.   instead of telling my children to retaliate I have always encouraged them to look deeper at that person,  show them a little compassion,  maybe the reason they are acting that way is because they are hurting inside and they want to hurt somebody else too.  for example,  when my oldest was in 3rd grade there was a much larger child that would not leave him alone,  he would seek my son out so often that even the principal saw it and tried to get the school board to remove the child,  but since the boy had an obvious mental problem they refused,  said it would set them up for a lawsuit.   later on in the year while at a parent/teacher meeting I had the chance to observe this bully and his mother,  and I understood where alot of his behavior came from.  that woman showed no interest in her child what so ever,  she didnt even stay for the entire meeting,  only about 5 min of it.  instead of being angry at that child I just wanted to give him a hug.   I also found out a few mos later that the boys father had been seriously ill for years and had died.  I had a long talk with my son about the home life that this little boy had and asked him to show him a little bit of compassion,  and try not to be angry at him.  the other boy eventually left my son alone because he was no longer to get a reaction out of him. 

I know alot of these bullies learn from their parents,  they teach their kids to hate what is different instead of being open.  and to be honest these people were raised the same way.  but it is possible to break that chain of behavior.  I was raised in a family where I got made fun of because I was different,  my biggest difference in our family?  for one thing I was smart and like to read, my aunts, cousins and even uncles made fun of me for this.  my body developed early,  I got made fun of for that.  my mother taught me that I was better than the neighborhood I grew up in and the family I grew up with,  so I was dubbed a "snob"  and yes,  I was waaaaaay better than the family I had,  they were drug dealers and users, criminals, wife beaters, child abusers, bigots and racists.   I cut all ties with 99% of them,  mainly because I NEVER want my children to have to be treated the way I was growing up.  even my grandmother refused to accept anybody who was different.  now she grew up in a way different time and that was actually the norm,  it doesnt excuse it but it does explain alot of it.  she wasnt a very happy person therefore that made her a not very nice person.  if you were one of her favorites then she was very nice,  I was fortunate to be on that list,  but if you were not one of her pets,  like my mom,  then you were talked about horribly, in front of whomever was around, I used to have to force myself not to tell her off when she would say bad things about my mother.  but my mom was very strict that we were to ALWAYS show our grandma respect,  whether she deserved it or not .  so actually out of respect to my mom,  I was always nice to her.  ironic huh?  the reason I was such a sweet granddaughter was because the daughter she didnt like and thought was a horrible parent taught me to be that way. 

this blog ended up being way longer than I expected.  but they usually do. *LOL*

hope everybody is enjoying fall break from school.  I was until about noon the first day and the first fight over the t.v. erupted.  this is my punishment for having kids so far apart in age,  they never agree on what to watch unless its family guy and I don't agree with allowing them to watch that.  that show offends me and thats almost impossible to do!  I guess I should do my blog more often so I don't write novels every few weeks huh?

hope everybody who reads this has a great weekend! 

a little of this and that

soooooo,  i've neglected my blog lately.  SERIOUSLY neglected it.    i've posted a couple of notes on FB but then deleted them after a few minutes.  here lately I just havent felt comfortable baring my soul like that.  I used to have no problem at all saying what I thought on myspace blogs,  but on FB while I like it better than myspace,  i'm always afraid of offending somebody.  some of my relatives with my crass language,  my far left and far right friends w/my middle of the road disdain for anybody who can't live and let live.   my stepchild with my opinion of her mother,  my oldest son with how dealing with him is sometimes too much for me.  and of course my relatives and friends that like that other Oklahoma football team. :)

and this is going to worry alot of you reading this,  but I've just lost the urge to argue anymore.  yeah,  I know,  me not argue????  I dunno,  I guess arguing with my kids on a daily basis has just taken the fun out of it for me.  

on to other things,  our lives are extremely busy these days,  Caden is in football,  Bobby is showing goats every weekend,  Christian is a senior this year .  it seems like i'm always needing to be several places at once,  and almost daily i'm paying a new fee , dues, or something monetary to do with school or activities. 

as we are rolling into fall i'm seeing a case of be careful what you wish for,  i've been looking forward to fall since well,  last fall ended.  now its upon me and there is so much going on. 

have you started your christmas shopping yet?  i've only got a few things and i'm usually halfway done by now,  I usually have my christmas cards done in August,  this year I havent even picked out the cards yet.  my house is cleaner than it normally is,  not all the way clean,  but much cleaner than normal.  not sure how that has happened,  I think I just got sick of not being able to find stuff and realized I can't do it all myself so i've actually started to release control a little bit,  starting to delegate.  I'm even going to have Bryan pick up gift bags for the gifts we got for 2 bday parties we are attending this weekend, *GASP*  I never let anybody pick out the gift bags!!!  whats next?  I let somebody else pick out the christmas wrapping paper???  no,  I don't think I can do that.  yes,  i'm a OCD control freak.   I know its wrong to expect other people to do things the exact way I would,  (they don't by the way),  so I usually do it myself,  and if I don't have time to do it or feel like doing it,  it goes forever not being done.

you would never guess it looking at my house,  but I have to have things perfect,  it stresses me out if they arent,  so I have learned to block out the fact that something is out of order until I can put it that way.  our pantry has to be organized a certain way, baking items go in one section,  breakfast items go together, boxed side items go together,  canned goods all go together.  the storage cabinet in our bathroom is organized as well,  i have storage baskets w/medicines separated into groups- stomach meds- pain relievers- allergy and cold/flu meds- and first aid.  

ok,  thats enough of my OCD for today. :)

and yeah,  its 5:30am,  my husband is about to get up for work,  if he stops hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock.     I havent been alseep yet,  I actually read 2 books tonite,  i've started reserving books I want to read on the library's website (using my moms library card ) and having my mom pick them up for me.  a new batch of reserves are ready to be picked up so I have to get these to her so she can return them.    just read all of Tess Gerrittson,  now i'm about to start the Sookie Stackhouse books.  

anyways,  not sure if I will post this on FB,  so unless you follow my blog you may not ever read this.  unless you stumble onto it by accident.  you really should follow it,  someday I may blog about YOU!  :)

til next time (hopefully wont' be as long)
A.

Can't sleep, guess I'll write a blog

ya know,  this Insomnia thing was cute at first,  I enjoyed it a little bit,  getting to be awake when everybody else is asleep,  enjoying the quiet house.  alone with my thoughts,  I have waves where I sleep all night on a regular basis,  but here lately this is my routine.  I'm sooooooooooo exausted,  can barely stay awake til 10pm,  finally go to bed,  wake up with a start at what I think is hours later,  but it is actually like 45 min,  and i'm wide awake for the rest of the night.  sleeping aids don't work,  wine doesnt work,  then around 9am,  I can't stay awake.  I've always been nocturnal,  but I have a family now and that just doesnt work out so well for any of us.

so tonite i've gotten caught up on my meaningless web browsing,  I found out that I have a oval face,  which surprised me because I always thought it was round,  nope,  my forehead is bigger than my chin,  they arent the same width,  so that makes me a oval face.  I need to throw out 95% of my makeup due to it being ancient,  my favorite perfume (J'Dore)  is  now one of the most expensive on the market,  which would explain why I havent gotten a bottle as a gift in a really long time. and first aid kits have a lot of crap in them that you wind up throwing out before using.  my first aid kit has these items:  band aids, hand santizer,  kleenex,  migraine pills,  pepto tablets, and tweezers, and it used to have tampons and midol but I no longer need those so I havent restocked.  and I don't have a fancy lil case,  I have a ziploc bag with the stuff in it,  I used to have the cute lil case but it got lost somewhere along the way. 

ziploc bags are really underrated ya know?  I use them for EVERYTHING,  not one day goes by that I don't use one.

lets see what else is going on with me.... oh yeah,  I think i'm going thru my midlife crisis,  i'm wearing makeup more and doing my hair just to pick up the kids at school and go to the store.  i'm the ultimate ponytail girl so thats a big deal,  and I actually paid $10 for eyeshadow!!!!  I never knew there was a difference!  I always just bought the cheapest there was,  usually what came with the makeup bag,  but I wanted to try that new silk eye shadow,  and i'm amazed!!!  all this time i've been dealing with eyemakeup that would not stay on and would smudge if I so much as blinked!!!  so now i'm thinking I should get some decent makeup brushes and not the crappy dollar tree ones that I think i've owned since high school. 

AND,  i've started a 2 year plan on getting in shape,  I turned 38 this week,  so my goal is by the time i'm 40 in two short years,  i'm going to be able to wear a bikini again!!  AND for my 40th bday Bryan and I are going on a trip to the beach!  I don't care if its a beach in Texas,  we are going!  so i've cut out the soda,  been doing  a bit of yoga each morning,  and i'm going to join a gym in a couple of mos when school is out.  and i'm not going to do it the way the trainers tell me,  i'm not going to go every day in the beginning because thats how i get burned out,  i'm going once a week for the 1st month,  if that goes well then I will increase after that.  and even if I only go and sit in the sauna for an hour,  i'm going to feel good that I got out of the house and made it there!   I always feel guilty if I don't do the entire workout routine each time and quit going out of guilt!  so my plan is to gradually build up my getting healthy goal,  now that i'm on the thyroid meds my metabolism has sped up drastically,  now I can't blame the weight on my hormones,  its all up to me now.

hmmm,  well guess I will go back to surfing the web,  i'm bidding on a Chi hair straightner and a bottle of the afore mentioned perfume for .99 each,  wouldnt it be great if they stayed at that????  *L*

g'nite all!!!

"Jeffrey"

from the time I was in 6th grade til I married my first husband at age 21 I have been plagued with meeting and falling for guys named "Jeff",  my first Jeff was a 6th grade crush that lasted for about a year,  the next one was 9th grade,  lasted about the same amount of time,  then my first love at 17,  followed by a series of Jeffs that some I was only involved with briefly,  others for years.  I think the grand total is 10.  It finally got to the point that if I met a guy named Jeff I found a way to not be around them for long.  *L*  too dangerous with my history. It was a long running joke with my family and circle of friends,  if the phone rang and it was for me and the caller said his name was Jeff,  my little brother asked "which one?"   my boyfriends were referred to by their last name instead of Jeff.  and about half of my Jeffs are probably reading this right now.  if you are then I love all of you guys,  but my fond memories of you have nothing to do with this blog.   my youngest son inspired this one.

In the car yesterday my husband Bryan and I hear from the backseat our 6 year old son Caden playing with his Lego Minifigs,  and he is saying Jeffrey this,  Jeffrey that like he is talking to somebody.  My husband asked who was Jeffrey?  we thought it might be a school friend,  he replied "He's a guy I made up that I play with sometimes"  OMG!!!!   my son has an imaginary playmate named Jeffrey!!!!!!!!!!  *LOL* 

so even though I thought I was finally free of Jeffs,  I'm not.  and then my ex sister in law sent me a msg telling me that her ex husband who is my ex husbands brother is now on FB,  guess what his name is?  yep,  you guessed it!!!

I love irony.  *LOL*

insomnia part 4,908,145,999

here it is 2am and of course I can't sleep,  I took 3 sleeping pills last night and was awake all night,  then woke the kids up for school and couldnt stay awake long enough to get them out the door.   I need to find a good paying job that entails me being on my computer late and night and won't wake up my family.  I would have it made then!!!

so tomorrow night I am meeting some friends that I havent seen in 20 years!!  seriously,  I can remember a time when I couldnt even say I had known somebody for 20 years!  back when I was around 18 years old,  ok I actually was 18 years old,  my mom owned a live band club and it was a pretty popular place,  I made some awesome friends that summer,  I can honestly say that was the funnest summer of my life!  I met my first serious boyfriend,  got to go to some at what I thought at the time were grown up parties,  I was an adult by law ,  I didnt have a curfew,  it was great!  we would stay out til dawn.  now we all had lives during the week,  but on weekends we were always together as a group.  then  we all just drifted apart.  My first serious boyfriend broke my heart for the first time,  so I started seeing those friends less and less since he was a part of the group too,  until finally I couldnt remember the last time I saw any of them.

I tried to stay in touch by phone,  thats all we had in those days,  but to be honest I think my feelings were a little bit hurt that "the gang"  chose my ex over me,  they stopped inviting me to their get togethers,  and eventually they stopped telling me when the next band show would be.  so after a short time,  I quit trying to stay in touch and moved on to other friends.  I would bump into some of them from time to time,  ironically I bumped into that ex boyfriend more than I did any of the others.  And I guess they all lost touch with each other as well.  we all grew up,  got married,  had kids,  went thru divorces,  some of our friends passed away.  then thru the miracle of the internet,  we started finding each other online again,  just a few at a time.  it started on myspace,  then most of us migrated to Facebook and found other old friends.  Then we started posting pics of the good old days.  all of us are in are late 30's to early 40's now,  and its weird looking at the pictures of all these young, beautiful people having fun,  and then the pics of us now,  our hair is not as big as it used to be,  some of us have lost alot of hair,  most of us have put on a bit of weight,  some of us have put on alot of weight.  we look tired and the lives we have lived show on our faces.  some have had harder lives than others.  I don't think I would recognize most of my old friends if I bumped into them at the mall or in a restaraunt.  and they probably wouldnt recognize me either. 

If I could relive any time in my life, the summer of 1990 would be one of the top contenders.  almost everything reminds me of that time.  for those of you reading that were a part of that year then I don't have to explain why these things make me smile at fun memories....... A trampoline,  pina colada scented smoke from a fog machine,  red shag carpet,  little hole in the wall places that were packed to the rafters with big haired teenagers, a neon spray painted sign, hanging out in a open field by the lake,  assless chaps, jeans with so many holes they couldnt really be called clothing, and there are so many others. but those were all I can come up with right now.  *LOL*

so i'm looking forward to this get together tonite,  I was kind of nervous because the last time I saw most of these people I was a size 3 not a size what I am now.  *L*  I didnt have gray in my hair,  my cheekbones were much higher on my face, (other things were higher on my body as well) I only had one chin,  I could drink more than guys that were 3x my size,  I liked beer,  I could stay out all night AND stay awake the next day.

Tonite I will only be able to stay for a short while,  I have 3 kids at home doing who knows what,  we have to drive an hour to get home because we aren't really the crash at a friends house types anymore.  years ago I would have been one of if not the last person to leave the party. 

so look for the next blog about our reunion,  and to my FB friends I will be posting pics. 

until then, 

Love you all!
A.

Warm Weather at last! (or at least not below freezing anymore)

Happy Humpday to everybody!!!  we are in the high 50's temp wise in oklahoma,  after last week I will take it!!  

We went out to dinner on monday for Bryan's bday w/the kids and his parents,  his actual bday was the 4th but due to the really cold temps we opted to wait a week.  anyways,  we went to The Hamburger King in Shawnee,  its on Main street west of Harrison.  its been there since like 1927 and prob hasnt been redecorated since the 50's,  its a really neat place and the burgers are awesome!!!  they have the booths with the phones that you pick up and give your order on.  Of course we had to go to the grocery store afterwards and surprisingly nothing weird happened,  didnt see any crazy people this time,  of course the day that my last blog was about I realized later that it was  full moon that week,  so that explains alot of it!!!

I'm trying really hard to get organized lately,  although my kids do everything in the world to prevent that!  and the washing machine broke,  so we are doing laundry at my mother in laws which is great that she is nearby,  but its a pain to have to wait for your laundry to be done,  i'm used to throwing it in and then doing other things around the house.   so our options are to either buy a cheap one now,  or wait a couple of weeks til we have saved more money and buy a better one,  we decided to wait and save up. 

have any of you ever gotten locked inside your own bathroom at home?  of course I have!!!  *L*  luckily my kids were here and my oldest son passed me my cell phone under the door,  my husband was just a few miles away so I wasnt in there for long.  I passed the time by updating my FB status and changed the lightbulb,  refolded the towels.  An OCD person can ALWAYS find a way to pass time!  *LOL*

every now and then I find a recipe that I am able to actually make taste pretty good when I try it , last night was one of those.  I made a roasted chicken w/orange juice sauce and rosemary potatos.  YUM!!!  there wasnt anything left of that poor chicken after my kids and husband were thru with it.  I will post the recipe on here since a few of my FB friends have requested it. 

this is kind of a boring blog today,  I can't think of anything funny my kids did or said,  and (knocking on wood)  I havent fallen down today or gotten locked in a room by accident.   although when it was snowy and icky outside I did fall 3x in one day.  I usually fall on the way to the car so my kids are in a good mood when we have to do a road trip.  and as much as I would like to take credit for it,  it isnt on purpose.   and I fall down alot!!!  and about half the time its in public!  once me and my friends Jenn and Abby went to Chelino's in Bricktown and our table was elevated up one step,  when we got up I forgot about that step and just stepped onto the floor,  since i'm a short person that didnt go very well and I fell on my face in front of about 50 people.  I don't even get embarrassed anymore because it happens so often.  *L*  it has taught me to look for wet spots in wal mart,  in parking lots,  for rugs placed in stupid places in furniture stores.  and hidden steps!!! 

ok,  guess I better do some housecleaning (picking up the kids stuff) look below if you want last nights recipe!  hope everybody is having a great week so far!

Love you all!
A.

Roasted Rosemary Chicken and vegetables
 1- 3 lb roasting chicken
 1 tbsp butter
 4 medium baby red potatos cut into quarters
 2 cups fresh carrots
 2 stalks celery chopped
1 1/2 tbsp rosemary
1 cup chicken broth
1/2 cup orange juice

Brush chicken with butter,  Place chicken and vegetables in roasting pan. season with rosemary.  Stir broth and orange juice into a bowl and pour half onto chicken and vegatables.

Roast at 375 for 45 min in oven.  stir veggies and add remaining juice/broth mixture and roast for 30 minutes or until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

serves 4,  I used about 10 potatos and 3 cups carrots.  it was enough for my family of 5. 

Funny People

Soooooo, today we went to OKC to see the Lego display of OKC, which was pretty darn neat!!! Caden was facinated, and it made me realize I havent taken him to see any of the landmarks that were replicated in the display, so New Years resolution #1, take my kids to see more of the state they live in!!

First we met my mom at Wal Greens, she got a digital camera for christmas and wanted me to show her how to use the photo kiosk there, so i'm going thru all the options with her and showing her how to use it, several people came to the photo center , these people make me want to get a job at wal greens just so I can people watch! the first lady came in to pick up a vhs converted to dvd that she ordered, inside was her vhs tape and a notice that it was a copy righted item and could not be copied to dvd, the tape was a Disney title and the lady just could not understand why they would advertise that they did this service if they could not, the clerk explained that it had to be something she owned the rights to, like a home video. the lady demands to speak to the manager, the manager explains the same thing to her, lady leave the store in a huff grumbling that its false advertisment. my advice to her, buy the DVD!!!!

2nd customer that caught my attention, a man in his 50's brings in a plastic ziplok back w/about 20 cartridges of 35 mm film to drop off to be developed, his jaw drops to the floor when he finds out its gonna be over $200 to get it developed. clerk explains that the processing is more involved than digital, man demands to speak to manager, manager explains same thing, man leaves store in huff complaining about the unfair price.

3rd customer to come to photo center was a lady in her 50's as well, had a memory card from her digital camera and had a cow when she found out the price for having 600 photos printed. the cashier even showed her how much she was saving since she was only paying 9 cents a print. lady demands to speak to manager to complain about prices. leaves store complaining about them. *LOL*

After all this both photo lab clerks decide they need a break!!! and go into the back room, can't say I blame them. by this time my mom has finished her photo order so we leave.

we go to Penn Square for the Lego exhibit, afterwards there was an area set up w/Legos that the kids could play with, the boys wanted to play so we let them and we just stood inside the door and watched them and waited, while we are waiting a lady comes up to Bryan and asks "Sir, are you from around here???" Bryan opens his mouth to answer and she says "where in this mall is the Dipping Dots cart?" Bryan tries to say "This is the first time i've been in this mall in over a year", but as far as he got was "this is the first time i've been in this mall......" before she cuts him off and says "Oh, this is the first time you've been in a mall????" and turns around and leaves. *LOL*

So next stop was Dollar Tree, Caden's teacher told me before the break that he needs new crayons, and since they HAVE to have the 8 count boxes I get them from Dollar Tree 3 for $1 and I try to make sure he has enough to give him 1 box a week for the quarter, we pull up, and since I was only getting that one thing only I get out of the car, I walk up to the door and the guy inside sees me walking towards the door and runs like heck to get to the door , AND LOCKS IT!!!! what a jerk!!! I told him I only had to get 1 thing and he said "sorry"

So no biggie, we just stopped at Target in MWC on our way to pick up Christian, I get the crayons and a couple of other things , pay for them and am out of there in record time. well, I noticed a large group of special needs adults in the store shopping. no biggie, they have the right to shop too don't they? the ones in the group that were finished shopping were waiting by the door for the others and one especially cheerful lady with a sweet smile had struck up a conversation with an elderly lady that was leaving, the lady was delighted to talk to her for a few min. , she was a very sweet and nice lady prob in her mid 20's, the elderly lady told her goodbye and the young lady told her to button her coat up because it was really cold out there!! and the elderly lady said "yes it is!" and she went thru the door, as she passed the threshold the young lady yelled very loudly " I don't want you to freeze your tits off!!!!!!!", the elderly lady stopped and turned and smiled in shock and then went out the door. this made me chuckle to myself and at the same time be worried about what she was going to tell me not to freeze off??? *L*

ok, so I made it out w/out attracting her notice. Bryan and the boys were wishing/shopping at Best Buy a few stores down so I walked down there rather than meet them, on the sidewalk there were a group of teenagers I assume were from MWC High due to the lettermans jackets some of the boys were wearing, as i'm approaching one of the boys spits all over the arm of the coat of one of the girls, who I assume is a cheerleader from what happened next, that girl did a high kick and kicked that boy in his crotch sooooooooooooo hard!! (which he deserved) as I passed them the boy was curled in a fetal posistion whimpering. I looked at the girl and said "well done!!!"

so Bryan and the boys had left Best Buy unknown to me and were sitting in the car in front of Target, so I called and they picked me up, we went and picked up Christian from her moms, then we hit Shawnee and Bryan decides he needs to get gas now, the price was 3 cents cheaper than yesterday, ok, I remembered something I needed to get in the grocery department so we went inside, and of course 1 thing turns into more, so we are waiting in the 10 items or less lane and I guess I must mention Caden was being veeeeeeeeeery bad!!! Bryan was getting really frustrated with him to say the least, while we are waiting I notice Caden is not grabbing things off the shelves and he is not hitting his brother, but he is yelling, I look around and then down, he is laying on the floor of Wal Mart and Bryan has him in a headlock, w/his ankles!!! I of course tell Bryan to stop because that kind of stuff will get us thrown in jail for sure!!! Bryan explained that Caden got on the floor and put his head between his ankles and he merely squeezed them together trapping him. jeesh!!!! i'm too aggravated to be embarrassed so I told him to go get the car and take Caden with him!!!

and then we mercifully made it home without anymore encounters with the general public and no brushes with child protective services.

Don't know about you but that makes me want to stay at home more than I already do!!!!

ok, done with this blog, it was just too long for a FB status update!

Hope everybody who reads this had a Happy Holiday season and has a Wonderful New Year!!!!

ahhhhhhh blogging, how i've missed thee!!!!

WOW!!! I just saw where it has been almost 2 years since i've posted anything on here, I used to blog alot on myspace, but its the ghetto now or at least I read that it was, I'm now a Facebook convert. not really a good format to blog on, yes, I can do the notes but I dunno, it just didnt feel the same. So i'm back on my blogspot to do it.

and now I either can't think of what to blog about or there are so many things to blog about I can't decide on one!!! *LOL*

Right now I am at home w/my sick 5 year old son, who isnt acting so sick anymore, he is still coughing a bit but I think he will be ok for school tomorrow. Speaking of whom, he just informed me he knew how to spell the "A word" he spelled it A-A-S. *LOL*

This is the same child that yesterday when he and his older brother by 8 years got into an argument over him walking into the older boys bedroom w/out knocking said he wished his big brother wasnt alive, I told him that wasnt nice and to never say that again , this was his reply: "well, he is older than me so he is gonna die first!!!!!" yes, I had to hide my laughing. it wasnt right, but it was funny.

I guess this is it for this blog, I will write again when my thoughts quit swirling and i'm able to grab one!

my weekend

so here is a summary of my weekend thus far. ok, maybe i should back up a bit to monday. monday at work i was feeling a bit yucky, but I toughed it out, I was in bed by 7pm though, then i was up alllllllllllll night long being sick to my stomach. thats polite for i was barfing my guts up. sorry, just thought you might need a visual. *L*

so i'm dreading calling into work since i just started working there, but my boss was actually not in yet because she had went home sick the day before, her boss told me to keep my sick self at home. so i did, i packed the boys off to school and daycare and i slept ALL day long. it was soooooo nice, i started feeling alive around 3pm so i went ahead and picked my oldest up from school, ran a couple of errands then while driving home on the radio station we were listening to they were asking people to call in with stories about their craziest relatives in honor of thanksgiving. I HAD to call in, some of you already know about my "kissing cousins" translation, they do alot more than kissing!!!!

back in 1992 or so 2 of my younger cousins "hooked up" and she got pregnant, nobody realized she was pregnant til she was like 8mos along, i saw her one day for the first time in mos and it hit me that she was knocked up, but, since her mother was dying of cancer i didnt want to say anything so i didnt. and filed it under my "remember to gossip to my mom" file, but i forgot and didnt say anything. so anyways, her and the male cousin were basically living together in my aunts house at that time, this is the aunt i can't stand, she causes trouble for everybody, but thats another blog, anyways, these two cousins lived together and kept having children together and didnt think that the rest of the family had figured it out. we did, we just didnt want to upset our Grannie by saying anything to them about it, so we just kind of stared at them in disbelief and snickered to each other about them. anyways, i called the radio station and they put me on the air. *LOL* they couldnt believe i really had cousins that were together like that, so i got the honorary title of craziest relative. oh and some of my relatives might have heard and recognized my voice. *L* but oh well,

on to the rest of the story, so i went home, was feeling sick again but not as bad. went to bed early again, woke up sick again on weds, this time my youngest was sick too, so we stayed home, the oldest was out of school for thanksgiving anyways so he could wait on us hand and foot. *LOL* so i felt sooooooo yucky weds, we ordered pizza. I rationlized that i didnt want to pass my germs on to the rest of the family by cooking for them. *L* then it was Turkey day, and we cooked Prime rib!!! I was feeling better by then so it wasnt so bad.

my neice Sasha came to visit for the day and night. that was nice, we havent seen her in forever!!! and then we did some shopping on thanksgiving day! wal mart was open!! yay!! i got a couple of christmas gifts since the boys stayed home w/Bryan.

then today i slept late, :) and Bryan and I went to a couple of places and did some price comparisons on possible christmas gifts for people. sooooooooooooo, tomorrow, we are finally gonna put the tree up. was supposed to do it today but time slipped away from us. and oh yeah, there is a football game on that is kind of important to me, this is the only week of the year that I will say OSU sucks!!!!! the rest of the time i will cheer for them. but not this week!!! so for all my OSU loving friends, i'm sorry if i offend you but I can't be neutral this week!!

so now i'm going to end this blog and go watch some HGTV, thats one of my addictions. can't help myself. I love watching decorating shows and getting ideas or slamming theirs. *L* i just never seem to have the money to do my own house or time for that matter. i've got a picture in my head of exactly how i want my bedroom done, someday i will sketch it out, maybe i will post said sketch on this blog and you all can comment or critique it.

thanks for reading my blog!!

oh and if you are on myspace and you arent already my friend, the please check my profile out and send me a friend request!!!

myspace.com/alyciabear72

until next time!
A.